you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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