Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
