Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
