alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
