Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
