in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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