I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
