eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
