Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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