why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
