i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How does one acquire holy water?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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