So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
