Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
