just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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