Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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