i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
