I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
