Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
should my penis look like a turkey
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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