I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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