I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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