Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
