his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
