Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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