its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
