what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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