Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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