the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
