Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
