...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
