the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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