I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Is it penis luge time yet?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
