so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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