Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
