You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
