dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
