I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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