wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
