My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
