piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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