just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
