ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
