Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
