I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
