do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
