i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Randomize
