I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
