the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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