Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
