So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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