Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
