I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
