First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
