just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
