So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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